23. Work, the big talk and a slap in the face

Mic 2

Watson told me what his doctor said to him and I repeated it back to him. I did it so, loud and deliberate. As you know I am not a man of violence but I had to stop the car because I was so mad and at that precise moment I wanted to slap this doctor straight in the chops with a nice full warm catheter bag. It was such an egregious and disgusting lie and I was absolutely livid. If fact I was strangely more upset than Watson was. I began to calm down, slowly.Read More »

22. Who let the volunteers out


We must have careered around the corner doing at least fifty miles per hour. The car skidded burning deep smouldering rubbery kisses into one of West London’s hard cold main roads. Momentarily, and in apparent slow motion, the car began to lift onto two wheels but he brutally slammed me into the car door with his left hand without breaking his right handed death grip on the steering wheel. Then then shot me a look that told me my life could be in danger if I tried anything. The multiple blue flashing police lights were furiously stabbing into the evening night behind us while the sirens relentlessly screamed in all directions. The police were gaining on us I was terrified what he was going to do next.Read More »

21. Plenty of room for more

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As I got off the train and approached the exit Mr terrified spotted me from about thirty feet. We had eye contact for a second and then a couple of tourists who were minding their own business looking at a map were very suddenly interrupted by a rather keen underground attendant offering his help and burying his face into their map. He gave it away with the odd fleeting look my way as I approached. It really tickled me that for this poor man I was the nearest thing to the grim reaper with an afro. I thought about just waiting patiently to talk to him until he had finished his pretend interest and really messing with his head and his day but not today.Read More »

20. Pump me up before you go go


Stardate 20180825.5 (mid August to the uninitiated) – Captian Myfunk Ellis log of the USS Prostateus.

Recap: A surprise attack by the Klingons has rendered the ship badly damaged in the Guynemium cluster and it seems Scotty, the ships chief engineer has done a runner in an escape pod.

“Computer!” MyFunk shouted above the chaos “Ships status”Read More »