Category: Impotence

22. Who let the volunteers out

Peter Ellis5 Comments

Bars

We must have careered around the corner doing at least fifty miles per hour. The car skidded burning deep smouldering rubbery kisses into one of West London’s hard cold main roads. Momentarily, and in apparent slow motion, the car began to lift onto two wheels but he brutally slammed me into the car door with his left hand without breaking his right handed death grip on the steering wheel. Then then shot me a look that told me my life could be in danger if I tried anything. The multiple blue flashing police lights were furiously stabbing into the evening night behind us while the sirens relentlessly screamed in all directions. The police were gaining on us I was terrified what he was going to do next.Read More »

21. Plenty of room for more

Peter EllisLeave a comment

Full 1

As I got off the train and approached the exit Mr terrified spotted me from about thirty feet. We had eye contact for a second and then a couple of tourists who were minding their own business looking at a map were very suddenly interrupted by a rather keen underground attendant offering his help and burying his face into their map. He gave it away with the odd fleeting look my way as I approached. It really tickled me that for this poor man I was the nearest thing to the grim reaper with an afro. I thought about just waiting patiently to talk to him until he had finished his pretend interest and really messing with his head and his day but not today.Read More »

18. Are you pleased to see me or is that a bag of crisps?

Peter Ellis1 Comment

broken-banana-2

Stardate 20180825.5 (mid August to the uninitiated) – Captian Myfunk Ellis log of the USS Prostateus.

A surprise attack by the Klingons has rendered the ship badly damaged in the Guynemium cluster.

“Scotty, Scotty I need an update urgently” shouted Captain Myfunk as screen and panels smoked, sparked, exploded and fizzled all around him.

“I cannot give you anything. No warp drive, not even impulse. She’s impotent. I got my escape pod ready brudda”. Scotty replied, one foot already in his space suit.

“Of course the ships important Scotty. You have to give me something” Pleaded Myfunk.Read More »