21. Plenty of room for more

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As I got off the train and approached the exit Mr terrified spotted me from about thirty feet. We had eye contact for a second and then a couple of tourists who were minding their own business looking at a map were very suddenly interrupted by a rather keen underground attendant offering his help and burying his face into their map. He gave it away with the odd fleeting look my way as I approached. It really tickled me that for this poor man I was the nearest thing to the grim reaper with an afro. I thought about just waiting patiently to talk to him until he had finished his pretend interest and really messing with his head and his day but not today.Read More »

18. Are you pleased to see me or is that a bag of crisps?

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Stardate 20180825.5 (mid August to the uninitiated) – Captian Myfunk Ellis log of the USS Prostateus.

A surprise attack by the Klingons has rendered the ship badly damaged in the Guynemium cluster.

“Scotty, Scotty I need an update urgently” shouted Captain Myfunk as screen and panels smoked, sparked, exploded and fizzled all around him.

“I cannot give you anything. No warp drive, not even impulse. She’s impotent. I got my escape pod ready brudda”. Scotty replied, one foot already in his space suit.

“Of course the ships important Scotty. You have to give me something” Pleaded Myfunk.Read More »

16. Here comes the sun

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Without the mobility restrictions of the dreaded catheter I was determined to be more mobile than before. Stuff exploring, converting hidden tribes, climbing mountains, the paper in the Lancet and everything else. This was going to be all about me now. I don’t know if it was a celebrity quote, something a superhero had said in a movie or I have just plain made it up but ‘freedom has a price’. That price for me was having to carefully plan each journey so that I could always ‘powder my nose’ either en route, at the half way point or immediately at the end of the destination. Of course it was never going to be so simple (I just don’t do simple, somehow). There was another price to pay.

Cue the tragic music.

Using public toilet cubicles.Read More »