18. Are you pleased to see me or is that a bag of crisps?

Oct 3, 2018Jan 10, 2019 Peter Ellis1 Comment

broken-banana-2

Stardate 20180825.5 (mid August to the uninitiated) – Captian Myfunk Ellis log of the USS Prostateus.

A surprise attack by the Klingons has rendered the ship badly damaged in the Guynemium cluster.

“Scotty, Scotty I need an update urgently” shouted Captain Myfunk as screen and panels smoked, sparked, exploded and fizzled all around him.

“I cannot give you anything. No warp drive, not even impulse. She’s impotent. I got my escape pod ready brudda”. Scotty replied, one foot already in his space suit.

“Of course the ships important Scotty. You have to give me something” Pleaded Myfunk.Read More »

17. A nurse a day keeps the prostate at bay

Sep 30, 2018Jan 10, 2019 Peter EllisLeave a comment

muppet nurse

They are the unsung hero’s and heroines of the NHS and in our case the Oncology department. Unless of course you end of with Nurse Jackie from TV. So in this blog we shall her from them directly. They identities have been protected by their favorite cakes, Chocolate brownie (CB), Velvet cake (VC) and Victoria sponge (VS)

16. Here comes the sun

Sep 27, 2018Jan 10, 2019 Peter EllisLeave a comment

super_squirrel

Without the mobility restrictions of the dreaded catheter I was determined to be more mobile than before. Stuff exploring, converting hidden tribes, climbing mountains, the paper in the Lancet and everything else. This was going to be all about me now. I don’t know if it was a celebrity quote, something a superhero had said in a movie or I have just plain made it up but ‘freedom has a price’. That price for me was having to carefully plan each journey so that I could always ‘powder my nose’ either en route, at the half way point or immediately at the end of the destination. Of course it was never going to be so simple (I just don’t do simple, somehow). There was another price to pay.

Cue the tragic music.

Using public toilet cubicles.Read More »

15. Baby wet me one more time

Sep 23, 2018Jan 10, 2019 Peter EllisLeave a comment

400-04017185

Myself and Joel don’t have much in common other then being the same sex and DNA. He is the cute little thing everyone swoons over. He shamelessly uses his big doe eyes to get picked up and swept into the nearest female bosom (enjoy that now boy, it certainly does not last). He lets out this infectious giggle that wraps everyone around his chubby little fingers and he does not pay any bills. If I try the doe eye thing I am either ignored, asked if I’m feeling well, what am I staring at or I might get a slow deliberate eye roll in return. The one thing we do share, unfortunately, is the need to wear nappies or should I say pads in my adult variation.Read More »