Just to recap on what I spoke about last month, the good old micro penis. Defined as an erect penis of four and a half inches or less in length. Some have watched porn and just compounded their sense of ‘worthlessness’ or because of their body type or race have not been able to match societies ‘expectation’.

What’s that got to do with prostate cancer you ask?

Well one of the many surprises that the prostatectomy operation threw up was this issue of shrinkage. Not any old shrinkage mind you. Come on now that would be too easy.

The proud king had this runt of an imposter sitting on the throne instead for a worrying number of months. Nowhere was this communicated beforehand and was definitely one of the worse surprises. So, if you were not here last month then you will have to go back and read it because that was the last of the catch-up.

The second guy that I interviewed for my radio show was a black French guy we shall call James or whatever the French equivalent is. I didn’t use any names on the show as he has family in good old blighty that he was worried would recognise him. He was blissfully unaware anything was a problem until one day after he had had a shower with his cousins and his aunt helpfully remarked that he seemed to be small downstairs for a black boy. It didn’t at the time occur to me to ask why his aunt should be looking in the first place but there you go. He brushed it off and just carried on.

Then when he was fifteen, he had to run the gauntlet of the football locker room. Showers after the game became torturous and embarrassing. His friends were all about the same size and he was tiny in comparison and of course guys being guys they let him know that. Then of course porn reared its ugly head. All the men were well hung – this was normality, this was what was required to have the women begging for more and telling their friends. He took to the internet and a tape measure to find out what the average size should be and just compounded his insecurity.

He said he became very ashamed of himself.

One girl, helpfully added, that a good size was eight inches and anything below that was ‘nothing’. Imagine that whispered in your ear in a rich and romantic French accent. Black men were meant to be hung apparently and girls were not shy about laughing at him, which a couple had done. Then he took me back to when he was twelve again. His mum was very concerned about his size and she would take to peeking in on him when he was asleep.

Unfortunately, the best was yet to come.

He was at his aunts one day when he was twelve and a half. The aunt and his mum called him into the bedroom. They gave him a Gameboy and told him to just play a game and not to worry about what they were doing. They put him into the bed, pulled down his trousers and were casually discussing how small he was. As you do. Then the aunt started to give him a hand job.

I will just repeat that.

The aunt started to give this twelve year old boy a hand job to try and get him hard.

The poor boy didn’t know what was happening to him and just froze and had no comprehension of what they were doing to him other than it was highly embarrassing.

The aunt then asked the mum if she should give him a blow job as the hand job was not working.

“No, no I think that’s enough” his mum finally said.

I had to ask him to repeat that sentence again.

The aunt was just waiting for the all clear, from his mum, to give him a blow job.

The way he nonchalantly repeated what he just told me had me shaking my head in stunned silence and total disbelief. Once he had reached adulthood he could understand what they had done to him and he said how hard it was to overcome that. He said it was never mentioned again after that day, but it was clear that it was something that had scarred him.

I have a lot of bleep words for the aunt.

He met the first love of his life at sixteen. He wanted to wait as he was a committed Christian at the time. Eventually they just grew apart. However, it was to be the first time a girl would shame him as she told her friends and anyone who would listen how small he was. He said that broke him and he lost his confidence for a long time. With the next girlfriend he was scared to have any intimacy with her and that soon fell apart, without anything happening. The one after that restored his faith as she said it was pretty good – even if she lied. It was the confidence boost he needed.

Then something wonderful happened. He met the love of his life in college. She told him eventually she loved him and his size was not a problem. In fact, she had seen it and she thought it was a perfect size.

She is a virgin and does not know any different.

They have been engaged two years now and had it not been for Covid they would have been married by now.

I had an agonising few months of a micro penis. These guys live it their whole lives.

What an outcome.

I would love to give the aunt a hand right in her chops.